the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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