I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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