I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
