i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
