her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
