GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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