Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
