i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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