I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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