Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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