if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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