This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
