sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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