Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
