Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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