we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I want her autograph on my taint
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
