you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
