Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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