The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
