Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
