eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
