Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
