I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
