He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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