I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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