dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
