i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
