JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I see more hoeing in ur future
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