does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
