I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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