shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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