i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
