i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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