i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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