PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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