So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
