the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
