ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
