dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
