I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
