I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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