Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
