my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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