I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
