Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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