so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
