Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
