I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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