about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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