If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
