worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
