Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
