my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
