her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She bit a glass in half.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
