If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
